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Confessions of a broken girl in a life less lived…..Pt 24

DISCLAIMER What you are about to read is straight…no chaser. I wrote what I felt, how I felt it. I would ask you to forgive the grammatical errors but some were purposeful. I would ask you to forgive the harsh language…but it was how I felt. These words may seem to you, to be ramblings and make no sense at all. But they are honest and my truth.
I would ask you to forgive my actions…but you are not my savior.
These are my words, written in frustrated prose. Written in a painful and dark place.
Written from the heart of one who knew not what true love was. Written in a state of complete brokenness, not even realizing that I, the writer, was indeed broke.
Bone heals slowly but if set correctly; it will heal to exactly the way that it was before it was broken and in some cases, stronger than it was before it was broken. The healing process takes some time and depending on the type of break it could even warrant surgery. In the same respect, so is the healing a person. Depe…
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I haven't done this in a while.
but i need an outlet
things are really hard
 life is really hard
i trust god
but I am tired
everything is a struggle
it all hurts
I can't figure out how I got here
not sure how to get out
one day at a time
one hour at a time
one minute at a time
one breath
through the fog
through the mud
through the dulled pain
in out

Truth Friday

The truth of the matter is that I mess UP..............
I can be an emotional roller coaster
and I hate it
I hate that  I care so much about situations and people that it causes me UNDUE hardship....brought on by my own emotional craziness
I've attempted to research this dilemma and believe I need true deliverance from
the spirit of rejection..
an orphan spirit...

The Focus of the Fast

I was reminded this morning that my fasting shouldn’t be focused on what I’ve given up...but on what more I’m trying to obtain...
So it’s not about’s about Him It’s about my ability to hear beyond the call of my hunger... It’s about my ability to go beyond the distractions and temptations... I can find food easily...the idea is that I find HIM. To see Him in my issues that I’ve laid before His feet. To see Him in the frustrations and constant turmoil of this world. To gain a freshness of spirit to go a little further.
The focus of the fast is HIM!

Truth Monday

sometime I am just plain ashamed of myself
guilt riddles my spirit
because I am not
who God has called me to be
I know that there is more to me
I see a future
I see hope through clouded vision
I see a little of what is to be is to be
but I just can't seem to reach it
just a little out of my ability
my ability
no mine
His ability
His call
He shall equip
but I don't feel worthy
so I feel ashamed
so I struggle
not to feel
but to just believe
I believe
Lord help my unbelief

The Faith of the Fast

During this time of fasting I have already seen the spirit move to increase my faith....
There have been arrows thrown at my heart...
in my mind....
at the expense of my peace...
in order to get me off track....
to derail my prayer life....
to tangle up my hands....
to curve my hunger for HIM....
to make me feel less.....
to make me feel more....
to increase my anxiety....
to increase my pain....
to increase the fear...
to decrease my sight...
arrows....shot with a flaming elixir....

This is what happens in fasts....I know that...but that doesn't mean that I don't see the attempts... and it doesn't mean that I am always able to dodge them

so I
my knees
in my closet
with my heart ready to receive
whatever the lesson may be



If you pay attention to your life you will see that there are seasons to this thing called life...
Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring...they all have a purpose...
they all have a purpose in themselves and
they ALL have purpose for the next season.

Sowing and reaping....
Seed time and Harvest...
Life and Death....
Joy and Sadness....
Peace and turmoil...
Faith and fear....
All seasons of life....

All with purpose...
All for purpose....

Truth Saturday

CompromiseUltimatums  Wish lists Must Haves
We’ve all made these above words parts of our lives in some form or fashion...whether it’s the house wish list or the husband wish list....”if this doesn’t happen by this time” statements about our Love lives and career choices....we’ve said and made these statements with complete conviction at the is the not compromise our LIVES with these short term declarations...yeah short term...often as true as it takes for us to say them and then we tend to live, Love, carry on in the total opposite of said words...
My prayer for us all is that we get beyond ourselves...our emotions...our sometimes spiraling out of control demands and hold fast to what IS important. Don’t allow..... These statements made out of true conviction of the heart to be turned with the wind if they are indeed how GOD has envisioned your truth. You are worth it. So don’t change or cross off things because someone or something didn’t fit...
Somethings we ha…